You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly… you’re also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you life your life: Joyfully. “Super. Duper. Flooper.”

Notice how it fails to mention that Big Bird was also the most annoying and irritating of all the characters, and the one you’d most like to see strung up by the internal organs.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had any forwards. And even longer since any of them were worth reading, let alone taking the time to write in the first place or forward to anyone but the junk folder.

Still this one I thought was worth sharing.

I’m not totally convinced that it’s based on true events and not made up for the purpose, but still, the sentiment is there, so I guess any (or lack of) factual accuracy is irrelevant.

What would you do?….you make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one.. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?
(more…)

Just clearing out my swydm gallery comments, nothing to see here, move it along
(more…)

Shamelessly snaffled from somewhere on myspace, but it was too funny not to pinch

Dear Diary:

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 20yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear.

My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The Club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00am.

Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess—with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.

Woo Hoo!!!!!

She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. .Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.

I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members.

Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help Me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff too.

THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine—which I sank.

FRIDAY:

I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little cheerleading bitch. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the*&%##&** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can Go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, My wife (the other bitch), will choose a gift for me that is fun –like a root canal or a vasectomy.

Pilfered… Erm, I mean snaffled this from some random body on myspace the other day… it was too cute not to post

I don’t go in for astrology at all, but I do find it interesting how accurate the personality descriptions can be with things like the Chinese births etc.

I pilfered this celtic one form someone’s journal the other day… Unfortunately I was so busy copying and pasting, I forgot to make a note of who’s journal it was to give them mention… So if it was yours… thank you muchly for the snaffle
Mine is very accurate I’d say… can you guess which one I am? :-p (and no I’m not telling)
(more…)

Slightly scared now… These fill in the boxes things aren’t supposed to be so accurate… Think I’ll go back to the “which fraggle are you” kind in future

You Are 36% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom’s basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

Snaffled from dvd‘s journal
(more…)

Just cleaning up my swydm comments, just in time too now my premier has expired!
(more…)