I swear I’ll never understand the whole porn industry. Mind you, I should probably be just as pleased about that when you think about it.

I was tootling about the internet, as you do, when I came across a blog. It was quite interesting, but after every entry was a couple of paragraphs about seeing the author on some cam site.

Now call me naive, but I was thinking it was going to be a facebook or myspace but with webcams.

Silly fraggle!

Needless to say it wasn’t.

It was one of those webcam for pay sites. You get to talk to the “models” in chat rooms, and then take them into a private session where they will do your every bidding, which appears to require total nudity and sex toys…

Nice to see humanity is progressing isn’t it?

But I digress.

First thing that hits me about the place was the number of people trolling (and I do mean trolling!) about the place. Never in my life have I had the misfortune to see such a bunch of degenerate misfits!

How nobody has ever snapped, gone off-line and hunted them down is beyond me. I’d have thought it was a pretty simple idea, you flirt with the model of your choosing, then you have to cough up the cash to go any further… It’s not exactly rocket science, now is it?

And I checked out both the guys and girls on this site, and both got the same calibre of clientèle, the girls got:

• Show me your boobs
• Take of your bra
• Touch yourself
• take of your knickers

And every variation of the above, but in more colourful and graphic terms, while the guys got:

• Show me your penis
• Make yourself hard
• Pop your pecs (not entirely sure but I think they meant bounce em up and down)
• Pop your nipples (I don’t even want to know what that one’s supposed to mean)

And both sexes got the “are you shaved”, “gay, straight, bi” and “Do you want to have sex with me” questions.

It’s no wonder most of them look so bored having to listen to that for hours at a time, not to mention how none of the idiots are able to take a hint, they ask, they ask in CAPS LOCK, after about 10 seconds they’re furiously barking out orders like some kind of Drill Sergeant and then they throw a hissy fit because the model isn’t obeying, so obviously doesn’t appreciate the viewer so it’s no wonder they’re not getting any private sessions…

Either that or they sprout something along the lines of “I love you, you’re so hot, you’re so kind, I want to have sex with you here and now…

Now can I see your…”

Umm, they’re trying to earn money, they’re not a performing monkey!

And I have to laugh at the number of people who try it on with the “If you show me your penis/breast, and start touching yourself I’ll take you into private for 30 minutes…” Umm, yeah, right… Like they haven’t heard that one at least 12 times in the 5 minutes I’ve been sat there.

I’m a bit bemused by the whole thing actually (no shock there then). There were one or two good looking guys and girls on the site, but so many of them looked like they fell out of the ugly tree, and didn’t so much hit every branch on the way down as were clubbed repeatedly with said branches at every opportunity!

Don’t get me wrong, looks aren’t everything, but in that kind of industry, it’s all about looks I’d have thought.

Maybe it’s me but the boys mostly looked like they were about 12, and the girls… Well they fell into two categories, there were the ones that looked like slightly past their best cross dressers, and the others who looked like 40 year old cheap hookers, and they’ve all had some pretty hard paper rounds, as they say.

People are expected to actually want to pay to watch people looking like that perform obscene acts alone in a room with a webcam and waterproof keyboard?

Then there’s the price… $6 per minute! Who can even afford it, even if they are that sad, desperate or perverted? I worked it out, that means for my entire weeks money, I’d be able to afford 29 minutes of viewing… That’s just silly!

The “models” (don’t you just love how they call them that, not that I’m quite sure what you actually should call them to be fair) also get bonuses depending how long people spend in payed shows. They get $10for each person who spends 3 hours in a paid session.

Now by my maths, that means the person has spent $1078.20, and the model receives an extra $10. Not the best of bonus plans, not to mention how often is anyone going to spend that on a webcam show? Heck, that’s $359 an hour, they could hire a high class escort for that, and there’d be a lot more “interaction”…

There’s also the models to consider… Several of them appear to be students, who are presumably trying to earn money to put themselves through college or university. Yet you do have to wonder what impact this particular carer move is going to have on their long term goals. I saw a couple of people studying to become journalists or work in media. Am I alone in thinking a background in the sex industry immortalised on the internet for all to find is going to be quite the problem if they want to be taken seriously?

Mind you, after gawping at the site off and on for the past 3 days, I’m not feeling any strange urges, but I am feeling more than a little evil

I have a sudden desire to be wealthy, just so I could torment one of their models! Some of them take it all so seriously.

Would it be so wrong?

It would probably have to be one of the guys, the girls seem to take it all with a pinch of salt, but the guys appear to get very worked up over it all, making them so much more fun to torment.

Now I’m sure most of you know what I’m like when I’m feeling evil (surely you remember the tampon conversation with the poor girl at the checkout a couple of years ago )

So I’d imagine it would go something along the lines of waiting until they were getting more than a little frustrated and then taking them into private. Then, naturally I’d have to do everything in my power to put them off completely…

Naturally there would be lots of random questions to put them off the task at hand.

All those strange things people to to get their babies to eat could probably be nicely adapted, should be nice and disturbing…

Aeroplane noises and the train in the tunnel… Yep I’d imagine that would throw off their game just a bit

And just to finish off, as they’re about to… well, you know…

“So, how’s you’re mother/grandmother doing these days…?”

Or if I were going to be truly vicious… A question about a parent/grandparent in their negligée/underwear… that should nicely ruin it for them

Clearly a little more thought would be required, but I’m sure I could ruin their day, and probably their whole week without too much more required

Sphere: Related Content