Is there a fabric shortage I’m not aware of?

I had to buy some new underwear yesterday… And… Well… I do wish they’d make them for the… How do I put it… Wider buttocked amongst us.

There’s something not altogether pleasant about getting dressed in the morning, putting on a perfectly respectable, fresh pair of underwear, only to find they’ve mutated into the worlds most uncomfortable thong by lunch time.

Then you’re forced to spend the rest of the day performing several rectal excavations trying to retrieve them again.

How come the rest of the world gets the joys of duct tape, while we get stuck with this…

Edit

I should maybe mention, the contents of said elephant packet looks identical to duct tape