It has been the strangest week. There’s been so much happening, but at the same time absolutely nothing going on.

Like I said, it’s quite weird.

It’s taken me this long to get my head around everything and get some kind of balance… Well that and get something sorted out to actually write and spell check an entry on!

Obviously it all started with Bonnie just over a week ago.

On the Thursday morning she got up as usual, had her breakfast and trundled outside to the toilet.

I was packing up ready to go to bed for the day and had just stuck my head outside ready to help her back into the house… Only she was more interested in scuttling around the patio and sniffing the flowers.

Not unusual in itself, but she was moving a bit faster than she had been of late. A few minutes later she tripped over her own feet and was suddenly lying full length in the middle of the patio. A few seconds later she started shaking uncontrollably and barking wildly. (Remember this is still about 5:45 in the morning!)

Eventually we managed to get her calmed down, gave her some tablets to try and calm her from the seizure and put her to bed, where she promptly went to sleep. Needless to say I took the opportunity to go to bed as well.

She slept for most of the day and seemed a bit unsteady on her feet when she was awake, but otherwise, she wasn’t really any different in herself.

Then on the Friday we found that she was having difficulty moving her front legs as well as her back legs, and appeared to be very niggled and in some pain and discomfort.

By Saturday it was obvious that she wasn’t happy. We were supposed to be going to the vets for acupuncture anyway, but we had to call and tell him that we thought it was really time to get her put to sleep.

We still didn’t want to, but now she was showing signs of being uncomfortable, unhappy and generally not herself.

It was absolutely awful getting it done, but our vet was wonderful. He gave her an overdose of morphine in the car, and we got to sit there with her until she went to sleep, passed out, whatever actually happened. Then her took her inside to give her the actual injection, and came out about 5-10 minutes later to tell us that she had gone.

I’m pleased he did it that way, apparently it can be very hard to find a vein in old dogs, so he gives them the morphine to ease any pain and to make sure that they aren’t aware of any prodding with the final needle to find a vein.

I don’t feel so guilty this time since it was obvious that her problems were affecting her, where as before she didn’t really seem bothered by them.

Mind you, the trip there was terrible! She hates being late for an appointment… Don’t ask me how she knew whether she would be late or not, but she always did, so she was not happy when we got stuck in traffic, and I had the bruises to prove her displeasure!

She was also shaking uncontrollably all the way to the vets, and had been off and on since the seizure on Thursday morning. Apparently it’s a sign that her circulation system was shutting down. Being told that actually made it all much easier, since it would only have been a matter of time before she was in a great deal of pain and discomfort as one organ after another started to shut down.

Then on Monday my grandfather was put into the care home on a full time basis…

Well, kind of anyway…

The idea was supposed to be that he either agreed to stay in permanently, or the social services would commit him.

They did neither. They didn’t ask him in case he said no, that way they didn’t have to commit him either (apparently if he agreed to stay we would have to pay, but if he was committed the social services have to pay the fees.)

The social services also told the council that he had been in care during his period of respite, so the council are charging him rent for that period, and they’ve told us we need to clear the house since he is no longer living there.

This meant that my father had to take time off work to clear the house, try and sort out the rent that he shouldn’t be having to pay and we still don’t know who is paying the care home fees, nor what will happen if he suddenly decides he wants to go home when he won’t have a house to go back to.

:rolls eyes: Aren’t government departments more trouble than they are worth?

It’s made it a very hectic week.

My father has been away sorting out the house every day, while my mother went with him to explain to him how to sort, clean, tidy and empty… (The poor dear has no clue about even simple things like that! :rolls eyes:).

That’s left me at home alone, which has made it even stranger. I haven’t been alone in the house for over 7 years! Probably more like 10! Someone was always here, even if it was only Bonnie.

It’s made it quite a difficult week. I keep looking for her, or starting to do things for her, or rushing up to the toilet so I can get back downstairs before she wakes up and thinks she’s been left… That kind of thing.

It’s going to take a long time to get used to that… But then she’s been there for more than half of my life, we’ve been so used to doing all these things for her and living our lives around her needs and wants… It feels so out of place to actually start planning and living our lives for ourselves only, without having to either think about anyone else or take them into consideration…

Like I said, it’s going to take a lot of getting used to!

It was also odd clearing out all her things yesterday. Digging her toilet over in the garden (not me doing the digging I hasten to add :-p), clearing out her bowls, bedding, food, tablets, collar etc…

We couldn’t face seeing it all lying around so we sent it to the local Cat and Dog Shelter where it can all be put to good use. But now it’s actually worse looking at the empty shelves and all the spaces where her things used to be.

Everything seems so bare… So empty… I think it’s going to take longer than any of use expected to get used to the way things are now.

I’m looking forward to going through all the photos of her when (or should that be if) I ever get my replacement laptop. I’ve taken a lot recently that are still on the camera and I want to scan in all the older ones so I can set up a gallery online and print out a photo album of the best ones, maybe frame a few…

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