So, all my swydm profile and gallery comments are now archived… And that will be the end of comments for a while.

I’ve always been an upbeat person, but over the past few weeks/couple of months, I’ve come the conclusion I’m more down than I have ever been in my life… I’ve finally decided I’m sick and tired of being ill, sick and tired of having to live with my parents, sick and tired of never leaving the house and sick and tired of always being sick and tired… (Hey it was good enough for Anastasia! :-pb)

And you know what? All this being sick and tired is bugging the hell out of me!

I just don’t do depression very well… Most people when they are down can happily sit and wallow, and the only problem is other people telling them to pull themselves together and snap out of it…

My problem is, I do that to myself! I can’t just sit and wallow in peace without, at the same time, telling myself to stop being such a wimp and start dealing with it.

So being down/slightly depressed isn’t really an option for me, since I can’t let myself… Ok, I know that’s going to sound odd to anyone who has never had depression, and insulting to those that have, since “snap out of it” isn’t an option… But everyone is different and that makes sense to me… It’s just how my brain works.

It’s the same with habits… Most people can have annoying habits that bug the heck out of everyone about them, whilst they remain blissfully unaware of it… Not me… When I get a habit, it annoys me long before it becomes obvious enough to annoy anyone else… *grrr*

Anyway… I think the last straw came today when I finally had to give in and get a portable urinal :-((

For anyone not sure, it’s a large plastic bottle that you urinate in when you can’t get to the bathroom in time… :sigh:

I feel like a geriatric!

But when it takes 4 hours to manage to get your limbs to work enough to get out of bed… Sooner or later my bladder is going to say enough already and there’s going to be an accident… So I now have a little hand held porta-potty to take to bed with me… *bounces* Oh goodie, I’m so thrilled… (Please not the high levels of sarcasm in that last statement!)

That said… I’m a little scared to use it… It has a warning message on the cap saying that the contents should “Not Exceed 70°C”… It could just be me, but if my urine was exceeding 70°C, I don’t think I’d be all that interested in using the bottle… I think I’d be a little too well cooked to be capable!

Of course my father said that they meant not to put anything in it to cook to that temperature… :confuzzled: Erm… Yeah… Moving on…

So all in all, as you may gather, it’s not a good week for me so far… My days are kind of passing me by… Wake up at about 9am, spend the next 4 hours trying to get my joints working and finally get out of bed by about 1pm. Eat a bowl of cereal, crawl to the chair followed by 15 minute electrical massage, followed by an hours rest. Then 2 hours to have a shower and get dressed, followed by another hours rest, followed by dinner, half an hours rest and then off to bed because I’m too worn out to do anything else…

I’m thinking life just may be passing me by… But then I could be wrong

But, the results are, that I’m irritable, anti-social and generally bad tempered, and really not looking forward to having to try and get to the tribunal tomorrow… It’s 3pm, so I’m not even sure I’ll manage to get up in time!

In the mean time, I’ve removed all profile and gallery comments and taken my photo out of the ratings section… I’m just not in the mood… I was thinking about closing my gallery and removing my picture from my profile as well, but what’s the point in a gallery if it’s not open, and it irritates me no end when you see people looking at your profile who have no information or no picture… So I’m leaving the gallery open and the picture up.

*watches tumbleweeds roll across the floor* Well don’t all party at once, will you?

I guess if anyone wants to get hold of me they’ll just have to stab me in the back like everyone else… Oh… Sorry… Did that sound bitter? :-p

Ok, so I’m only partly bitter… But hey, it has been 6 years, I think I’ve earned the right to be a little bitter! That and I ran out of chocolate ice cream *pouts*

But anyway, if you’ll all excuse me… My potty and I need to go back to bed and watch DVD’s now *curls lip* I have a busy day tomorrow after all, I have to get up shower and go out… *growls, snarls and mutters obscenities in Ewok and Klingon*

Can my poor little heart stand the excitement? :rollseyes: