Well this is fun… My computer has crashed, so I’m currently running the knoppix Linux operating system from CD in the other machine while the laptop does a complete backup, format and reinstall. It’s slow as molasses for some reason, given the power of the machine… But it’s fun to work with :-D

Daytime television again, while I wait to change discs, and the taxi entry later on once I get back on my full system.

Today I’m thinking violence, abuse and battered husbands and wives.

That’s what they were talking about on daytime television, well that and a woman who wants to have 30 children, but I’m not even going to go there!

Anyway, the topic of the conversation was a woman who has always been a firm advocate against abuse in a marriage.

But now she’s written an article to say that it’s ok in some circumstances…

Let me explain…

She has a friend in Australia who has a good marriage, lovely children, a loving husband, etc. Her husband is a good husband and she loves him. He is good with the children, good to her, works hard and is a good provider.

She says that she has a 95% marriage… That is, it?s great 95% of the time. But on occasions (once every few years) he will come home drunk and slap her.

Now this woman says that she doesn’t mind that, and that she still loves him, he loves her, he’s never hit her hard enough to do any damage, never done it in front of the children or to the children… So that’s ok then.

It’s better for her and the children for her to put up with it, because it’s only once in a while and it’s never been a beating, just a few slaps.

The journalist (the woman being interviewed on the television) said that after hearing that, she feels that there are times when a wife should stick with her husband, and that we, as a society are too judgemental in condemning the woman as stupid for staying, and the husband as evil for hitting her.

She said that people lose control; it’s a natural thing. As long as it doesn’t involve the children and is only occasional, that it’s ok.

She also pointed out the double standards… if a woman went to her friends and said that her husband had beaten her, they would almost automatically tell her she should take the children and leave him, no questions asked… But if a man went to his friends, the police or anybody else for that matter and said that his wife had beaten him, nobody would suggest that he leave her and take the children… No, they would either laugh at him, tell him to stop being such a wimp and stand up for himself, or more likely, both…

Personally, i think both are wrong.

nobody should stay in an abusive relationship, no matter what the reason! Abuse is abuse, be it towards a man or a woman. Both are wrong, and neither should be tolerated!

Now, obviously I understand that they could be scared to leave, etc… But people don’t change… They get away with it once; they’ll do it again if similar situations occur.

It’s no good justifying it “But they said they were sorry, they promised it would never happen again…”

Yes it will.

I don’t care whether you are a man or women, if you?re being abused; get yourself out of the situation. Children are different, it’s much harder for them to remove themselves from the situation, unless they are a very strong personality and know where they can get help from someone they trust.

But once you’re an adult, you have to take responsibility for your self.

Of course on the other hand, yes I can see why this Australian woman would want to stay with her husband, it’s only an occasional loss of self control…

But the thing is, if he loses control, there is nothing to stop him losing control and being more violent… There’s also the constant worry, the treading on eggshells so as not to upset him, worrying whether the children will find out, or whether it will be them at the receiving end next time… Not to mention the constant worry of whether tonight will be the night it happens again…

What got me though, was that the husband was supposed to be very sorry, and genuinely upset that it happened… It also seemed to be that the incidents occurred when he’d been out drinking…

Now maybe it’s me… But if he was that repentant and upset by what he had done, he would stop drinking, since it obviously causes a lack of control in him.

Surely giving up the alcohol is a small price to pay for his wife, his children and their happiness as a family?

Yet he still goes out and drinks on occasions, comes back, loses control and slaps his wife, and she keeps telling him it’s ok and telling people that they have to work at their marriage and accept the odd bit of light abuse for the sake of their marital vows…

Somehow I think they’ve got it backwards… She shouldn’t have to accept it, he should be doing something about it, and taking away the alcohol which is obviously the catalyst to the situations, and proving that he really is sorry about what happened and is determined that it will never happen again…

Since they aren’t… it makes you think that he can’t be truly sorry about it, possibly because she is so eager to accept it, but not only that, justifying her actions to anybody who will listen and suggesting that they aren’t as dedicated to their marriage as she is if they wouldn’t be willing to accept the abuse if they were in her position…

Glad to see she’s convinced it hasn’t done anything to her mental well being then…

Some people just can’t… or won’t be told…!