Well I’m sitting here watching Uncle Buck on TV feeling very guilty.

I should be at a funeral…

But I’m not.

I’m home puppy-sitting… Ok, Dog-sitting. She gets so stressed if she’s left alone now, so she has to either come with us, or needs someone to stay with her.

I feel guilty that I’m not there.

I’m not a fan of funerals. In fact I would even go so far as to say that I actually hate them.

It’s not the thought of death, or dying… That doesn’t bother me.

It’s the people left behind.

What can you say?

Nothing you say or do is going to change the fact that someone they love is gone, and they are never going to see them again.

Nothing is going to take away the pain, the loss or the memories.

The problem is, because it is such an emotional time, more often than not, the slightest little thing can actually make them feel worse, and remind them of their loss.

This is the part I hate…

Walking on eggshells

Terrified that everything you say may upset them more, and trying desperately to find a way to make it better…

To make them feel better…

To help ease their pain…

To give them hope…

To make them see that life goes on.

I would happily not go to another funeral. The person is dead, it’s not going to matter to them.

But it matters to the ones left behind.

Sometimes it’s worse being left behind, you don’t feel alive, and you’re not dead. You’re stuck in limbo, and too many people are all to eager to tell you how long and in what ways you should grieve.

The are unable to accept that everyone grieves, copes and deals with the death in their own way.

Mine is to laugh.

Strange I know, but I always end up in fits of giggles at funerals.

So as you can imagine, I’m not all that popular at these events.

I guess it’s because I don’t take myself or pretty much anything else seriously unless I absolutely have to.

It?s easier that way, for my health and my sanity.

But still I go.

Still I feign a coughing fit to cover over the giggles during the services.

Why?

For the people who are left.

Somehow there is nothing worse than seeing a funeral with hardly any people there to remember the person who as died.

It’s so sad to think that someone has died and almost nobody cares.

If they even noticed.

So I feel guilty that I wasn’t there.

I feel guilty that I am actually happy I didn’t have to go.

And I feel glad that there were so many there to remember him.

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