It’s pimping time.

(Oh please be aware, I’m in one of my strange moods again)

As anyone who visits here often will know, I don’t pimp. The main reason I don’t use those side thingies (you know, insert journal link here things) is that there are so few spaces.

Anyway on to the pimp.

I’m pimping this guy:

I noticed in his comments box that he wants to get more votes, so I thought a quick pimp was in order.

*adopts auctioneer?s voice*

As you can see ladies, he’s a hot looking specimen (given the water temperature, I’m not surprised he felt so hot) who comes with all his own teeth and hair and can easily reach those top shelves for you. He is very sporty, so you will be able to get plenty of work out of him before he collapses from exhaustion. We’ll start the bidding at $100…

I wasn’t going to add this, but I had so much fun writing it I thought that I just had to. this was a message addressing his (and anyone else?s) worries about what a person needs to change to get better ratings. I’ve included the initial comment:

“This is a comment to all the people who visit my site. If you visit my site PLEASE rate me. If you decide to down rate me. Tell me why. I would like to know how I can better myself. An honest rating is all I would like though…. Thanks!”

*consumer warning*
The author of this message is a warped and twisted individual who has had too much sleep and not enough sugars. Take all advice with a pinch of salt. Since salt is bad for you, please seek medical opinion prior to following this advice.
Also note. The author accepts no responsibility for his actions, either direct or implied doe to his current levels of medication (and the fact that he has been palming his tablets)
Please also be aware that at the time of writing the author was in a very strange mood.

Have a nice day…

Well you see to get ahead in this place; you need to put in a lot more work. Holidays are not allowed!
First off, you need to spend at least 25 hours per day in the forums, yes you can do other things at the same time, but you have to be sat at your computer for the duration (three 5 minute toilet or food breaks per day is allowed)
Next whilst in the forums, you have to rate every picture on the site (male and female. All karma is good karma) and make regular journal entries (6 per day is a good starting number, working up to about 12 once you are settled in.)

Next (and this involves more effort money) plastic surgery to make you look different to the same as everyone else (the smurf look is very popular around here as another option) this will need to be followed by spinal and limb reduction, 6′4 is just too tall!

Then obviously there are the photos; galleries need to be filled with as many photos as it will hold (so premier membership is a must). These can be a choice of two things, either nudes (which will attract half of the site no matter what you look like, but will turn away the other half of the site, again no matter what you look like) or they can be filled with normal photos, which will be acceptable to the entire site, but will cause less enthusiastic interest.

Another option is to get everyone you know to sign up (think of the referral karma) and vote you a 10. That way you can bask in the knowledge that you have a good starting base to pimp yourself out from, plus if worst comes to the worst, you can clear your votes and force them to all give you tens again.

I feel it only fair to point out that beyond taking these extreme measures there is little that can be done to “better yourself” and increase your ratings average. If these options are not acceptable, learning to ignore your rating and enjoying the other features this site has to offer is the only available alternative.

Thanks for listening.

_______________________________

As you can tell, I’m may have to work on my pimping skills a bit more.
If you’ve managed to get this far, congratulations, you’ve got good staying power. Now if you would be so kind as to scroll all the way back up and give him your votes, I’d be grateful.

This pimp has been brought to you by pimps ‘r’ us. We’ll pimp while you pay.