There has been a lot of talk about age over the past few days. How old is too old to be on this site, how old should you be to participate in the forums, how old before you can date, what should the age gap between couples be. Yadda yadda, yak, yak.

You know what? Who cares?

Age is a matter of perception. I don’t feel any older now than I did when I was 16. Yet at 16 I was too young for things, now at 28 I’m too old for things. Why? What difference does it make?

I have talked to people on the Internet ranging from 13 to 59. Some of the people I have met have been for more mature than their age would suggest, whilst others who have been much older have had all the maturity of a child. It is too easy in life to make assumptions of a person based on what you see physically, be it their look, their age or their race. The Internet helps to break down those walls, because all you see is a screen name. You get to meet the person inside, and they get to be free from the outer shell.

What amazes me more than anything is the different attitudes towards age. Take dating for example.

Go back a few centuries; people didn’t have the life expectancy that we have today. People married younger, had children younger and it was not unheard of for the girls to be 16 and marrying men almost twice their age. Yet nobody thought anything of it.

Then go back 40 years, and people were marrying at a slightly older age, on the whole the majority of people didn’t seem to marry so young, but still if there were age gaps, people weren’t so bothered.

Then you come to today. Children are trying to grow up faster than ever, people are dating as young as 11 (maybe even younger) children as young as 10 are having babies and it doesn’t seem to matter. Yet at the same time, if there is more than a couple of years age gap, it’s frowned upon.

Why?

I have seen people as young as 15 why come across as emotionally mature, they understand the responsibilities of life, and they know their own mind. Then I have seen people up to the age of about 25 who still have no emotional maturity, no concept of responsibility and I wouldn’t even trust them with a shopping list, never mind children, marriage, and all that those things entails.

Isn’t it about time that we realised that people mature at different rates? Who makes the better parent, a 16 year old with a mature and responsible attitude, or a 25 year old who is flighty, never sticks at anything and is emotionally unable to fend for themselves let alone a child. You tell me, which of them is better? I would say the 16 year old every time. Yet by society’s standards, the 16 year old would be frowned upon for having a child so young, whilst it would be perfectly acceptable for the 25 year old to reproduce.

Don’t get me wrong here this works both ways. I have seen young people get married who appeared responsible and appeared to know what they wanted, and the marriage started to crumble within a year, because they had rushed into it, they didn’t know each other as well as they thought and as they grew up, they grew at different rates, one got all the responsibility, whilst the other remained totally immature. At the same time I have seen another couple get married, who where a couple of years older, but didn’t appear to know what they wanted and seemed to just rush into it. Married one second, parents the next. Yet they are still married, still blissfully happy and have two adorable little children.

We as a society are too wrapped up in blanket statements of what is right, what is wrong, what is acceptable and what is not. We need to learn to understand that each case is different, each person is a different case and must be assessed separately. We also need to learn when to keep our mouths shut and let others live their lives they way they see fit.

Equally the individuals need to be realistic and look at themselves. Whilst age is a state of mind, the effects of it are not. Whilst there are exceptions, on the whole the older you are, the wiser you become, the more mature you become. Maturity and immaturity are like oil and water. No matter how much you mix them, they always separate out in the end. But waiting a few years can make all the difference. Then both become oil, and when mixed they become one.