I am colorblind…
07/31/2003
I am colorblind,
Coffee black and egg white.
Pull me out from inside.
I am ready,
I am ready,
I am ready,
I am….
Taffy stuck and tongue tied,
Stutter shook and uptight.
Pull me out from inside.
I am ready,
I am ready,
I am ready,
I am…fine……
I am covered in skin,
No one gets to come in.
Pull me out from inside.
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding.
I am,
color-blind,
Coffee black and egg white.
Pull me out from inside.
I am ready,
I am ready,
I am ready,
I am….fine.
I am…. fine.
I am fine.
______________________________
Only I’m not fine
I don’t know what I am.
Have you had days like these, where you are up one minute and down the next?
The more I look at myself the less I understand.
I was doing ok earlier on today. I think I know what caused it. I was in the SWYDM forums and there were one or two threads I read, and posted in that I wish I hadn’t. They brought back feelings that were a little close to home.
I’m not really much use today. No help, no comfort, not even very sociable. I’ve closed my chat software. Not just hidden myself, I’ve disconnected completely.
It’s strange.
We are social creatures us humans. When we have problems the best solution is to talk with someone. Talk out the problem, even if they can’t help, just talking about it makes it seem easier somehow.
So why is it, that is the one time we don’t speak? We hide. From ourselves and from the world around us. We disconnect ourselves from everything, unplug the phone, go into a room without other people, and don?t check the emails. Then we sit there and wallow. Knowing that the best thing for us is to talk to someone, even if it’s only to slap us out of ourselves and make us put on our party face and pretend that everything is ok.
But we don’t.
We can’t.
What is that? Why do we get so good at hiding that no one realises when we are screaming on the inside?
All they see is the mask. The persona we project to the world. People see, and they accept what we show them. We are good. Too good. In the end we only harm ourselves.
Why is that?
I am colorblind
Looking from the outside
I am ready, I am ready, I am ready, I am…
Ren said,
February 22, 2004 @ 10:48 pm
From skoobs at Friday, Aug 01 02:23 Delete this comment
I was listening to that song a few days ago.
I am a one of these people.
I don’t show the dark side of me to anyone.
So everyone always assumes I am carefree and perpetually happy. I prefer it that way. My weight is my own to carry.
I share everything in my life except my pain.
That’s just me.
From slayer4uk at Friday, Aug 01 02:30 Delete this comment
Not just you.
I think there are a lot more people like that out there than we realize
From slurpie at Friday, Aug 01 04:55 Delete this comment
I am the same way. I prefer to hide myself away. Within you tho, Mark I found someone I can confide in, as I did yesterday. Thank you for being there. For making sense of the situation, for making me laugh, for making me gag…heh. Don’t hide away. I’m only a shout away.